Archive for February, 2004

Face forward

Posted in Writing, Cancer Journal on February 23rd, 2004

Feel very desolate all the time and am trying not to give in to my darkest thoughts. If Emma could face such suffering and the prospect of death with courage and wit and without recourse to anything but her own self-reliance and the support of her family and friends, then I can too. We have our children and friends around us and baby Emma who is such a treat. Life will go on with wonderful memories. And she goes on publishing- this time in the Daily Mail next Tuesday.

Life on the Web

Posted in Writing, Cancer Journal on February 18th, 2004

She lives on in her web log. The word got round and what was a partly secret journal known mainly to strangers became a way that friends and friends of friends got to know her and posted their responses to her brave spirited journal entries. These speak of a witty, humorous, lovely young woman who touched all who met her and left an enormous gap in the lives of her family and close friends.

From across the world we have received so many messages from friends and colleagues. Having read her journal, they feel they know her a little. One old friend said he had spent two hours early on a perfect Sydney sunny morning reading it and wondering at her courage and vitality.[John Hughes who died suddenly in 2006]

The messages are all about her courage, her sense of humour and marvellous wit. She has been understood posthumously for what she truly was in life. She would have laughed to hear that said. She never really realised how much she meant to the people she touched with her strong and irreverent spirit.

The Guardian G2 special ran a 4 page special with Emma’s words only. She would have been ecstatic and highly amused to imagine her new fame! The Daily Mail wants to run it too. Having to fend off TV interviews too. Our girl is keeping me on the run as usual.

Last days

Posted in Writing, Cancer Journal on February 7th, 2004

She fought hard to stay in the world. Though the efforts by the nursing staff to give her comfort were strenuous, the infection was overwhelming. It took from Friday when the fever took hold to the following Wednesday for her to reach a kind of stability- I almost said peace but that word does not express it. What I mean is that when her sweet mouth softened and her face took on a look of childhood innocence, she seemed at rest.


Posted in Writing, Cancer Journal on February 5th, 2004

This morning Emma died. She fought hard for a week to throw off an infection that started last Friday. But it proved beyond even her.

Feeling relieved and devastated at the same time. She does not have to go on suffering in that terrible way but I cannot imagine a life without her.

Going home to gather strength for the funeral and what follows.